Now that I did the theoretical work to make my brain feel a bit more useful, I can deal with the presenting issue this evening: my Facebook profile picture.  I love, love, love that picture of Anne and me from Steve's wedding.  It is one of those I will always remember us together.  It is what we had hoped we would be together in the years to come of our marriage.  And that picture portrays a future which can not be again in this lifetime.

Do I keep it?  Remembering is so sweet for a moment.  Then it burns my eyes with warm tears.  Am I picking at a scab or soothing my heart?  I can go to those wonderful wedding pictures any time I want a lovely memory (and a good cry).  And I will do that many times.  But my heart begins to feel a bit better as I can--at least for a few moments a day--embrace the future that will be.  That future has me in a picture by myself and being ok with that.  That takes some getting used to, but I have to begin practicing somewhere and somehow.

I intend the change in the profile picture to be a positive step forward, and tonight it feels like that.  Anne took the picture, so that is a small concession to how much I miss her.  But it was her idea to take the pictures--in the Pike Place market in Seattle.  So I get to have the memory of that day, and I can try to move forward by using that picture.  As I write it seems like such a small thing, but I wrestled with that decision for most of the day.

One is no longer half of two.  And my future hopes must be in terms of the one.  I'm glad our Lord makes sure that even though I'm one, I'm never alone.